Parents Are People Too! Adults Night Out!

As a comfort challenge to myself I volunteered to help at an event called “Parents Are People Too!” The event was hosted by Africa McClain and Jennifer Stein.

In attendance were various vendors ranging from the Organic Candle Company to Classic Erotica.

Parents Are People Too! was organized to provide people with a place to learn about creative and innovative pleasure products. Representatives from The Pleasure Chest, Classic Erotica, & Kheper Games were in attendance.

The main focus of the night was to mingle, network, and learn about what each vendor had to offer.

The most significant factor of the event was the open discussion between strangers about sex and all things to do with it. In addition to the sex discussions and information provided about the products/services of each vendor, a ton of goodies were given out.

A few that I received were….

The only item I was able to try out so far is the Get Trashed!Cup, but that’s only because I’m currently celibate.

Ultimately…

I stepped out of my comfort zone. I spoke to people that I didn’t know in a closed environment where I couldn’t escape that awkward eye contact when seeing someone, You’d just spoken to, in passing.

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How I discovered my sexuality

Let’s start with me saying that I identify as sexually fluid. Now that is not to say that I’d have sex with just anyone. For me, it means that there’s is no one characteristic that I find attractive in a group of people (ie: gender).

I find that I’m attracted to different people for drastically different reasons. The weirdest trait that I’ve been attracted to someone for was their knees. YES, I said knees.

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How did I discover my sexuality?

At first I didn’t know I could be anything other than gay or straight so I just didn’t identify as anything. There was speculation around my sexuality all through out high school.

I confused so many people but they were always asking the wrong questions. People would ask if I was straight then they’d ask if I was a lesbian and of course both answers are no but that was the end of the sexuality spectrum for them.

Just to make it easy, they concluded that I was seen as a lesbian. It didn’t help that all throughout junior high and high school I shopped in the boys section.

For a while I identified as bisexual but even that didn’t feel like it fit. I knew that it wasn’t gender that determined how attracted to someone I was.

It wasn’t until I came across this gem call Tumblr that I learned of all the dozens of other sexualities there are. This opened my eyes to the wide spectrum of identities that didn’t meet the social norm and the possibility that there are others.

Even with the extensive list of sexualities I still didn’t feel like just one of them fit me. Gender wasn’t something that I considered when I determined whether I was attracted to someone.

It was usually something about them that stood out about them. It could be a physical feature, a personal trait, a laugh, or a knee (lol).

There was no event where I had an “aha” moment that helped me recognize my sexuality. It was more of a process of elimination. So here I am, in all of my sexually fluid glory.

How do you know if you are ready to have sex?

When you hear of virginity stories many of them sound like horror films. This should not be the case. Before engaging in sexual activities assess whether it is the right time and with the right person.

This is not to say that you must be in love and see a long future with kids and a house with your partner but you should have trust, confidence, comfort, and knowledge before having sex.

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You should have trust in your partner(s).

You should trust that your partner(s) will respect your wishes. Whether that means waiting for you to be ready or stopping at any point.

Trust that they wont push you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. “No” means no, “I don’t know” means no, and “if you want to” means no. Trust that your partner(s) will be patient with you, going slow and allowing you time to adjust to what is going on.

You should have confidence in your partner(s).

You should be confident in their experience and knowledge of what they are doing. You should be confident in their willingness to please you as well as themselves.

Sex shouldn’t be a selfish act. You should also be confident in the role you play in your partner’s life, no matter what that may be.

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You should feel comfortable when you are around your partner(s).

If at any point something doesn’t feel right, STOP and LEAVE. Your intuition is telling you something. You should feel completely comfortable in your partner’s presence. Increased comfortability decreases nerves and timidity.

Some people can’t read signs of apprehension or discomfort. When you are comfortable around them you are more likely to voice that you may not be ready yet or that something( a position) isn’t working for you.

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Everyone involved in the relation/relationship should be educated on sex anatomy, STD’s, and birth control.

All partners should be well versed on both the male and female anatomy. Having knowledge on what exactly you are working with will increase pleasure for all those involved.

You don’t need to know every STD/STI there is but you should know your partners history as well as how to properly protect yourself. Many times barrier protection isn’t enough so it’s always good to be on some sort of birth control, the best one being natural (ie: Lady comp) because there are no side effects.

I don’t emphasize being in love because…

Love can make you do things that you wouldn’t necessarily do. Many people feel obligated to make their partner happy even at their own expense.

If the relationship ends you begin to regret disregarding your comfort for someone else’s pleasure. At least when you have trust, comfort, confidence, and knowledge the possibility of a regretful horror story is slim.

If anything it’ll be a comedy. If you have love along with trust, confidence, comfort, and knowledge then you’re living the good life!