How To Love Me & Deal Breakers

This blog post was inspired by Shanboody

How to love me

  • Be persistent & consistent
    • Show me you are worth my time and effort through your time and effort
  • Reciprocate my affection
    • I am a very physically affectionate person and love when I get it in return
  • Keep an open line of honest communication
    • I have no issue expressing myself or confronting an issue. I don’t like not knowing if something bothers you, I’d like to know so I can prevent it from happening again. If something pleases you I’ll do it more often.
  • Encourage my endeavours
    • I need to know that no matter what I’ll always have your support. Show some interest in my interests because you’re interested in me.
  • Actually listen when I speak ( be attentive)
    • Engage in meaningful conversations with me. Allow me into your thought process. I love when someone does something based on a conversation they had with me. It lets me know that they care and are actually listening to understand me and not just to respond.
  • Trust me
    • Everyone goes through heartache and everyone has had their trust broken. If I haven’t given you a reason not to, you should trust me. Trust that I’d never do anything to hurt you.
  • Fight for me
    • When things get rocky don’t give up
    • When I get emotional or crabby don’t dismiss me or my emotions
    • Fight for me, fight to stay with me. Let me know you’re in this for the long haul and you see a future with me.

IMG_7678

Deal breakers

  • Political views that oppose mine
    • There’s no way we could see eye-to-eye on anything if we’re opposed in political views
  • Lack ability to hold an intellectual conversation
    • I need someone that can challenge me, make me question theories.
  • Easily discouraged
    • Once you set out on a certain path  to obtain something, a minor setback shouldn’t be able to cause you to completely change course.

IMG_5678.png

 

The Road to becoming a Vegan Yogi

Never would I have thought I’d be going vegan. I’ve always been big on cheese burgers, thanksgiving ham, baked macaroni & cheese, and everything else that is a meat/cheese lovers dream.

IMG_4498

I had one friend in high school who was a vegetarian and I thought that was just the most cringe worthy thing ever. I couldn’t understand why someone would give up the glory that is steak and potatoes, something I would make as often as possible. I once traveled through a snow storm to go to the supermarket just so my uncle could make me one of his infamous oven baked steaks.

Here I am in 2017 four years without beef, two years without pork, and one month without poultry.

IMG_0845

Since attending college I knew I wanted to start eating healthier, so cutting out red meat seemed like the way to start. After one month of no red meat, I decided I just really wanted to have a cheese burger to reward myself for making it one month without beef. I instantly regretted that decision. I was curled up in a ball the entire day because of all the work my body had to exert in order to break down the burger. That was the end of beef for me.

IMG_0581

After looking into alternative lifestyles, healthier living, and “happy vaginas” I started to learn about so many different things that we consume daily that are harmful to our bodies.

I knew that in order to change my eating habits I would also have to change my sleeping pattern as well as my physical activities (which were non-existent).

My interest in yoga began after my anxiety seemed to worsen. Practicing and studying (currently reading The Yoga Sutras) yoga is helping me to center myself, understand my body, understand my emotions, take better care of my body, and have a healthier daily routine.

IMG_5807

My interest in a diet change is due to my family’s history with high blood pressure and cancer as well as the many connections made between meat consumption and diseases. I want to lead a healthier lifestyle, extend my lifespan, and wake energized every morning.

I am currently practicing naked yoga twice daily, waking at 6am well rested & energized, eating a vegetarian diet although I will be heading to Bill’s Bar & Burger for one last shrimp burger. Consider it my farewell. I gradually weened myself off of meat and I plan to do the same with dairy & animal by-products.

IMG_8412

How do you know if you are ready to have sex?

When you hear of virginity stories many of them sound like horror films. This should not be the case. Before engaging in sexual activities assess whether it is the right time and with the right person.

This is not to say that you must be in love and see a long future with kids and a house with your partner but you should have trust, confidence, comfort, and knowledge before having sex.

download (3)

You should have trust in your partner(s).

You should trust that your partner(s) will respect your wishes. Whether that means waiting for you to be ready or stopping at any point.

Trust that they wont push you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. “No” means no, “I don’t know” means no, and “if you want to” means no. Trust that your partner(s) will be patient with you, going slow and allowing you time to adjust to what is going on.

You should have confidence in your partner(s).

You should be confident in their experience and knowledge of what they are doing. You should be confident in their willingness to please you as well as themselves.

Sex shouldn’t be a selfish act. You should also be confident in the role you play in your partner’s life, no matter what that may be.

download (2)

You should feel comfortable when you are around your partner(s).

If at any point something doesn’t feel right, STOP and LEAVE. Your intuition is telling you something. You should feel completely comfortable in your partner’s presence. Increased comfortability decreases nerves and timidity.

Some people can’t read signs of apprehension or discomfort. When you are comfortable around them you are more likely to voice that you may not be ready yet or that something( a position) isn’t working for you.

1023f4a40f1c5a5436787dda45ccaa2a--reproductive-system-anatomy-reference

Everyone involved in the relation/relationship should be educated on sex anatomy, STD’s, and birth control.

All partners should be well versed on both the male and female anatomy. Having knowledge on what exactly you are working with will increase pleasure for all those involved.

You don’t need to know every STD/STI there is but you should know your partners history as well as how to properly protect yourself. Many times barrier protection isn’t enough so it’s always good to be on some sort of birth control, the best one being natural (ie: Lady comp) because there are no side effects.

I don’t emphasize being in love because…

Love can make you do things that you wouldn’t necessarily do. Many people feel obligated to make their partner happy even at their own expense.

If the relationship ends you begin to regret disregarding your comfort for someone else’s pleasure. At least when you have trust, comfort, confidence, and knowledge the possibility of a regretful horror story is slim.

If anything it’ll be a comedy. If you have love along with trust, confidence, comfort, and knowledge then you’re living the good life!

Phenomenal

Hills, valleys, mountains. No matter how tough the climb

I still can’t seem to get that peace of mind

I try hard for you, harder than you think I do

But all you seem to think about is what I DON’T do

Trying so hard to show you

This isn’t what you’re used to

But what came to my realization is that once the deal is done

Some battles can’t be won

You’ll never see me for who I am

It’s about who you want me to be

But your perfect image doesn’t fit me

I’m a women of many flaws but I’m flawed oh so beautifully

The truth is you don’t accept me

See the thing about acceptance, it isn’t all that necessary

I’m more permanent than temporary

More like a lasting stain you’ll never be able to wipe away

You might not like me now but I bet you’ll wish I stayed

Trying so hard to be someone that fits your description

Trust me, I KNOW I’ll be what you’re missing

Something about me that makes me oh so different

Thats why I place myself outside of your definition

There’s no need for me to try to fit inside your box

Boxes aren’t for women like me

Im more like the plant that grows and blooms VERY differently

Ordinary, not in the least bit

I’m more odd than even

And with that being sad

Let me give you a few more reasons

A heart of gold, so I’ve been told

Drive, determination, and plenty of passion

Loving, forgiving and always romantic

See what I noticed is you only seem to notice the qualities that need some work

But I’m God’s creation

And he does beautiful work

The best thing about me is I’m beautiful inside and out

Those qualities are hard to come about

Not perfect at all

And I have plenty of growing to do

The difference between me and you

I see the woman you choose not to see

And even though she was made oh so different

She was made phenomenally

 

Submission from fellow unicorn, Lovely Golden Cloud

Transitioning to a Vegetarian Diet

I have officially cut all meat from my diet and committed to the daily practice of yoga. The major issue that I’ve encountered so far is finding/ learning how to cook vegetarian meals.

Im so use to meat being the main attraction on my plate that not having it seems weird. The sides are meant to complete what ever protein is on my plate not make the plate.

Now I have to figure out how to make an appetizing meal with just “sides”.

When I think vegetarian I think of salads for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I know that’s not what it actually is but that is what comes to mind.

IMG_4961

To help me kickstart my diet, I bought a bunch of Morning Star produce. In the words of a vegan friend “That stuff is disgusting”.

I actually think the food is pretty good, especially the veggie burger. I’ve been eating all of the patties with vegan spread & ketchup (mixed with brown sugar).

To start a vegetarian diet, I think Morning Star does the trick. Soon I’ll be chef’n it up!

IMG_0175

As for Yoga…

I run through a few asanas, engage in breathing exercises, and meditate twice daily. I go through this routine once in the morning before I eat and before I sleep at night.

IMG_1878

With these changes I have notice my mood has become much lighter and more jovial.

I plan to up my meditation daily by 1 minute. Im also using the book Yoga Mind, Body, & Spirit to help me learn the proper techniques for the practice of yoga.

IMG_0436

Parents Are People Too! Adults Night Out!

As a comfort challenge to myself I volunteered to help at an event called “Parents Are People Too!” The event was hosted by Africa McClain and Jennifer Stein.

In attendance were various vendors ranging from the Organic Candle Company to Classic Erotica.

Parents Are People Too! was organized to provide people with a place to learn about creative and innovative pleasure products. Representatives from The Pleasure Chest, Classic Erotica, & Kheper Games were in attendance.

The main focus of the night was to mingle, network, and learn about what each vendor had to offer.

The most significant factor of the event was the open discussion between strangers about sex and all things to do with it. In addition to the sex discussions and information provided about the products/services of each vendor, a ton of goodies were given out.

A few that I received were….

The only item I was able to try out so far is the Get Trashed!Cup, but that’s only because I’m currently celibate.

Ultimately…

I stepped out of my comfort zone. I spoke to people that I didn’t know in a closed environment where I couldn’t escape that awkward eye contact when seeing someone, You’d just spoken to, in passing.

 IMG_1805

A Mother’s Love

My child whom I harbored in my womb

Nine months I carried you

Terrified of your arrival

From the moment you were born

I am to protect your survival

A mother. The scariest thought to me

Only thing I can do is be the best mother I can be

Am I perfect? No not to say the least

But what I do know, the thought of you makes my heart skip a beat

Loving you is the purest love I’ve ever known

A true love. Love like I’ve never known

I take care of you because it’s my responsibility, but it’s more like a privilege

Raising a child, yea it takes a village

But as long as the love is real, and you teach them to the best of your abilities

You’ve done more than your part

My baby you’re my blessing,

And you’ll always have my heart

 

Submission from fellow unicorn, Lovely Golden Cloud

 

IMG_2713

Having an Abortion

It’s my freshman year of college.

The beginning of my second semester.

And I’m pregnant.

2 days late- “Maybe my body is adjusting to the change in my eating habits.”

4 days late- “Maybe I’m just stressed out.”

After a week of my period being a no-show I started to panic. I had one of my friends come with me to Walmart to buy a pregnancy test. (SB: Why are pregnancy tests in Walmart locked in a plastic case and can only be opened at the register?)

I’ve watched multiple movies/shows where the characters had to wait 2-5 minutes for their test results. THAT IS ALL LIES AND EXAGGERATION. It took ClearBlue 2 seconds to tell me I was pregnant.

That night I tried to go to sleep with good thoughts.

IMG_3225

The next morning I took a second test just to make sure I didn’t get a false positive. That test took no time at all to show me those two pink lines again. Now my mind is going into overdrive. It would be just my luck to find out I was pregnant after my guy-friend and I got into an argument and stopped speaking. To break the news to him I simply sent a picture of the test to his phone. I probably should’ve went about it differently but I was too drained to do anything else.

Time to make a decision

I tried to think of as many scenarios as I could where keeping the baby was an option. I thought of running away, I thought of adoption (for all of 60 seconds), and I thought of going home pregnant. In all of these situations I would be miserable. I knew I was in no way ready to have a baby. I also knew I could never give a baby up for adoption. Abortion was an option I never thought I’d have to choose but I also never thought I’d be in such a predicament.

I chose to have the pill abortion. What solidified my decision to have an abortion was the moment I saw the ultra sound. I didn’t feel anything. I knew there was life growing inside of me but I felt no attachment to it. I didn’t think “Am I making the right choice?” At that moment I saw abortion as the only choice.

I thought the pill would be easier to deal with. I was so wrong. I was six weeks pregnant when I took both pills. I opted out of filling my prescription for pain medication. Looking back, I think I was trying to punish myself for getting pregnant.

IMG_9903

The pain of the contractions were indescribable. I couldn’t talk or walk. All I could do was endure the pain silently. My roommate thought I was just having some terribly bad cramps from a clotting period. There was a moment when I tried to walk to the bathroom and before I could get 5 feet from my room I had to stop. I sat down in the middle of the hallway with my head between my legs until I could walk back to my room. The worst part of this entire experience was when I felt the embryo come out of me in the shower. I wasn’t sure what  to do, so I flushed it.

For months after that I spent nights crying myself to sleep. I fell into a deep depression. I stopped eating and lost weight (I was already small to begin with). My nail beds turned purple, I had dark circles around my eyes, and my clothes no longer fit me.

IMG_7015

I haven’t ever encourage abortions and I still don’t but I understand the concept of choice. No matter how many precautions you take things happen and you should be able to decide if a baby is what you want or have the mental and physical capacity to withstand.

Since then I’ve been overly cautious. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had sex since.

Having an abortion was one of the most emotionally/physically draining experiences I have ever had but a decision I’m glad that I made. I am now happy, healthy, and making a life for myself.

IMG_6680

 

The Perfect Day

I wake up at 6 a.m to the sun shining through my ceiling to floor window in my loft-style apartment.

Industrial-loft

I eat a mango before a morning yoga session with The Breakfast Club Power 105.1 playing in the background. I eat a healthy breakfast then start my day of productivity.

I post to my blog, edit where necessary, and socialize on all of my social media platforms. By 10 a.m I am fulfilling orders, sending off packages, conducting maintenance on my business website, and ensuring customer satisfaction (I’ll inform you guys of this business soon).

1430117600604.jpg

Throughout the day I am constantly eating (good food makes me happy). Once all of my work is complete I spend the rest of the day eating, binge watching Netflix shows, having sex (the definition of Netflix and Chill), and enjoying the company of a man-friend, lady-friend, or both. I end the day knowing that everyone I love is happy and healthy.

IMG_6680

That is my Perfect Day!

Writing this brought a bit of sparkle to this gloomy day I’m having.

Unconventional Living: A woman that doesn’t want children

I was never the kid that fantasized about being married and having kids. I didn’t plan a wedding, dream of my perfect husband, or envision living in a house with a white picket fence. My fantasies were about constant traveling, living in a large loft apartment, and being around people I loved but also having a lot of alone time.

I never said things like “When I have kids….”, it was always “If I get pregnant…”. Having kids wasn’t a goal of mine. I saw it as something that was expected of me, as if there was some sort of female prophecy I had to fulfill.

450-a-complete-woman-without-wanting-a-child

As I grew older and encountered certain life experiences I began to realize that marriage and children weren’t appealing to me in the least. Babies are amazing, precious gifts but not a gift that I’d actually want.

Why? For reasons that may seem selfish

  • Children are time consuming, needy, and expensive
  • Children need a stable home, patience, and constant attention
  • I like to be alone often
  • I like my living space to be a certain way
  • I get annoyed easily by children
  • I love babies but once they grow past two years old I can’t deal
  • I love babysitting babies but I also love when I can give them back to their parents

Children aren’t a part of my near future but I know there are many people who want children and can’t have them. I’d definitely be interested in being an egg donor or surrogate. It would be my pleasure to help someone bring their child into this world (seeing others happiness makes me happy).

I just don’t see myself getting pregnant and having a child of my own. My pup Apple is my only child.

IMG_0398.JPG copy

A Woman That Hates Shopping

I am a woman and I can’t stand in-store shopping. It’s one of the most tedious tasks to partake in. I’m perfectly fine when it comes to online shopping but when it comes to stores I’m usually drained after exiting the first store.

tired16

Im this guy after one store.

On one hand, I’m very frugal so the idea of splurging my money in multiple stores doesn’t appeal to me. On top of that, shopping triggers my anxiety and causes a sensory overload. supermarket-paradox-of-choice

Seeing this is enough to make me beeline to the bottled water and purchase a snack at the register.

Then there’s the people part. There’s just too many people to encounter and maneuver around in stores. It just seems like there’s too much going on. Too many options, too many people, too many stores…

Any time I go shopping I go to a specific store for a specific item and if they don’t have it then that’s the end of that. I’ll plan to go to another store another day. On top of that, each store has sales associates asking if you need help which is their job but I wish there was a way to tell workers to leave you alone without having to say it.

559238_81_59885__0JyHKvzi

Online shopping is more appealing for so many reasons. No human interaction, you can control what products you see, no seemingly endless walking in and out of stores, plus everything is just a click away. Also, I know that if I place my order its something that I actually want because it takes me days to click confirm and in that time I’ve modified my cart.

Shopping with my mom is an introverts, socially anxious, and sensory overload nightmare. She will say she’s only getting one thing, so you prepare yourself for just one thing. Next thing you know you’ve been in 20 stores, carrying 10 bags, and spent an entire day in two different malls.

Family and friends know not to expect store bought gifts from me on birthdays. I have a hard time shopping for myself, so shopping for someone else is just not happening. Im a heavy DIY’er so your gift will be made with love 😁.